March 2016

EVERYTHING IS FINE. SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER?

Dear Bear, I'm a PhD student, living with my dad and commuting to school about once a week. I was very lucky to get a scholarship that covers my tuition and living costs (so basically, it's a job.) I'm really shy and have a congenital disorder that is sometimes invisible, and sometimes fucks my life up horribly. I don't have many close friends living nearby and though I socialize, I haven't been able to make really deep connections recently (I moved, lost a lot of connections, and other life ...
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MY FRIENDS SAY I CAN’T TAKE A JOKE

Dear Bear, Lately I have been wrestling over this question. I have been getting feedback from others: they say I am too easily and too often offended, and can’t take a joke. I do not agree with this assessment, but because I don’t want to be that kind of person, and the feedback is somewhat consistent, I am willing to look at my own behavior and consider the possibility that it might be true. I think that you would also have an opinion about whether I am this way if I described the ...
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HOW DO I TALK TO MY PARTNER ABOUT NONMONOGAMY?

Dear Bear, After a long string of unhealthy relationships, I suddenly find myself in something that feels deeply good with a woman who likes me as much as I like her. I also live with a lot of baggage. Persistent chronic mental illness, PTSD from child and sexual abuse, plus all the delights of growing up trans. I'm living with it all very well these days, so I threw all of this out there—on the first date!—and she took it all in stride. It's like nothing phases her. She's got ...
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