Got a question?
Send your advice questions using the form below! I might answer in a column, in the live show, on the podcast I am still trying to develop, or some other thing! I might edit your letter or answer it along with another or publish it in a book or answer it some other way but I’ll NEVER reveal your identity. Ever.
DO I HAVE TO ATTEND THE FUNERAL OF THE ONE RELATIVE I LIKED IN MY AWFUL FAMILY?
WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE NOTHING IS WORKING? WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
CAN ASEXUALS BE PART OF PRIDE? WHO DECIDES?
I’M IN A PATTERN WITH MY PARTNER THAT’S COMPLETELY ONE SIDED. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON A GOOD FRIEND I DO A LOT OF IMPORTANT ACTIVISM WITH. SHOULD I TELL THEM SO?
SOMEONE TOLD MY FRIEND TO ASK FOR WHAT SHE WANTS. HOW DO I TELL HER IT’S TOO MUCH?
HOW DO I DEAL WITH MY PARTNER’S FEELINGS WHEN THEY ECLIPSE MY OWN
HOW DO I KNOW WHEN TO STOP TRYING TO FIX MYSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE?
OKAY, BUT HOW DO I KNOW WHEN TO APOLOGIZE?
NEW BOOK!
(taking a hiatus to write the new book)
I’ll be away for a few months, digging away in the advice mines to find you the best I possibly can.
HOW DO I TELL MY FAMILY I’M REALLY HAPPY (IN A WAY THAT’S WAY OUTSIDE THEIR EXPERIENCE)?
Dear Bear, I don’t mean to sound like a Tumblr post but all of this info is relevant to my question so I’m 26, nonbinary, assigned male at birth, and asexual. For a long time I really thought something was horribly wrong with me. I…
HOW DO I LET GO OF HOPING TO GET MY EX-GIRLFRIEND BACK?
Dear Bear, About 2 months ago my ex ended our 4 year relationship with me because “something didn’t feel right.” We shared many firsts from the first kiss right up to the first break up. This deeply saddened me and I am still struggling with…
WHAT SHOULD I, A WHITE PERSON, DO?
Dear Bear, I can’t imagine you have an answer to this question. But you seem willing to try tackling hard questions and I (a cis white queer in a mid-size city) am at a loss. Everything is awful. Every day there’s a new atrocity in…
I NEED MY JOYFRIEND TO STOP AND THINK ABOUT MY FEELINGS, BUT THEY WON’T. WHY?
Dear Bear, My joyfriend is smart and interesting and funny and great and also sometimes when they see something they want they just go barreling forward toward it and start acting like a jerk if I ask for pause or process or consideration. Some of…
CAN I JUST STOP TALKING TO PEOPLE IF THEY’VE BEEN HORRIBLE TO ME?
Dear Bear, In therapy I am learning some new things. One of them is that a lot of times I give people too many chances and let them treat me badly over and over without any consequences. When I ask for an apology I am…
WHO CAN I TALK TO ABOUT HARD THINGS WITH MY PARTNER?
Dear Bear, My partner and I have been struggling for a while. We are each other’s best friends and confidantes, and so these current struggles are especially hard. I feel like I have no one to talk to — I would normally consult my partner!…
HOW DO I...NOT BE RACIST? AS A WRITER? AS A PERSON?
Dear Bear, I’m a grad student attending a university on the east coast, and I am… struggling with my faith in social justice and liberalism in general, just because the things I see people doing don’t line up with what they say they’re about. I…
HOW DO I KEEP MY PARENTS FROM COOPTING MY WEDDING?
Dear Bear, I am in the middle of planning my very queer and very Jewish wedding, our parents are splitting the cost for some context. It is bringing up everything I’ve avoided addressing with my parents, namely the fact that I’m a person with my…
MY HOME IS UNSAFE FOR ME TO EXPLORE MY GENDER. WHAT DO I DO?
Content note: this question contains short but intense descriptions of emotional abuse by parents. Dear Bear, A year and a half ago everything seemed to click into place, and I realized how much I hated she/her pronouns and words associated with femininity directed at me….